i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
