what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
babies were throwing up all over the place
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
