Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
