Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
