Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
