I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
