Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
