I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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