I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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