Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

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  (703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid. http://tfl.nu/xyt3
  Replies (37) Good night (7309) Bad night (899)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.

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  (615): Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness. http://tfl.nu/v4md
  Replies (17) Good night (904) Bad night (3218)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.

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  (512): The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose. http://tfl.nu/i300
  Replies (15) Good night (1124) Bad night (6705)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.

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  (570): As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen. http://tfl.nu/y5cy
  Replies (1) Good night (743) Bad night (2560)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.

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  (512): I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub. http://tfl.nu/cojk
  Replies (7) Good night (6263) Bad night (1313)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.

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  (520): You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night. http://tfl.nu/u2mc
  Replies (12) Good night (2176) Bad night (954)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...

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  (715): I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life... http://tfl.nu/7li7
  Replies (6) Good night (1498) Bad night (1321)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?

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  (765): is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible? http://tfl.nu/u49w
  Replies (14) Good night (685) Bad night (2221)
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  (562): View more from California

  We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable

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  (562): We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable http://tfl.nu/eg4m
  Replies (3) Good night (1885) Bad night (569)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

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  (501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo
  Replies (6) Good night (982) Bad night (480)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.

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  (613): My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break. http://tfl.nu/fmum
  Replies (0) Good night (1309) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.

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  (973): DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC. http://tfl.nu/am4q
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (411)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'

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  (615): Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid' http://tfl.nu/cmth
  Replies (6) Good night (693) Bad night (534)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.

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  (804): He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him. http://tfl.nu/lrjc
  Replies (1) Good night (1193) Bad night (315)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress

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  (989): I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress http://tfl.nu/pd3l
  Replies (1) Good night (513) Bad night (184)

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