if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!