just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.