I faked an abortion last night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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