There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
