They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
