based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize