wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
