I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
please come you make the beer taste better
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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