At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
a search helicopter?!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
