Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
this just has baby written all over it
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
