Nicole vs. Life
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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