Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
