I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The Olympian is in my bed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
