When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
