I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
