i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
