Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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