It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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