I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
