Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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