He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.