Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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