I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
