Someone shit on the floor
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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