omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
