I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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