i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There r osticjed everywhere
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
