So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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