Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
