There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
