fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
