I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
