I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
