i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
