So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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