If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
We got so high we made milksteak
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He passed out mid-signature
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
