i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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