i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
