so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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