I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
