Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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