Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
