he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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