and you said cock pushups were impossible
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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