I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
