Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
