Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
