You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
