after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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