Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
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Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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