On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
