Will you blow on my dice?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
