My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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