i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
