You're my little dorito
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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