Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
