Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
