They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
