ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
a search helicopter?!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
