the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
