I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I need to stop coming to work sober
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
