Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
