You smell like a Billy Joel song
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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