I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
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so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.