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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.

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• (415): View more from California

  Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.

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  Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (937): View more from Ohio

  The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.

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  19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (310): View more from California

  He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.

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