Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)