dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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