I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???