I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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