I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
