i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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